


What Could Have Been

by goldenkc



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: 5x06, Bellarke, F/M, confessions of stuff, maximum angst!!, mention of becho, they're stupid and have feelings and are bad at communicating those feelings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-07
Updated: 2018-06-07
Packaged: 2019-05-19 10:47:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 849
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14872317
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/goldenkc/pseuds/goldenkc
Summary: *5x06 spoilers*what if madi hadn't run off right away while bellamy and clarke were talking? what else would have come out?





	What Could Have Been

**Author's Note:**

> so this is short but whatever. i wish bellamy and clarke could just have a goddamn minute to talk about their shit because i'm getting real tired of this. i mean we asked for angst and we got it but now i regret it.

All Clarke knows before she leaves is that she can’t leave Bellamy without a proper goodbye this time. She sees Echo and Bellamy climb out of their tent together, and Clarke feels that same pang of selfish jealousy hit her heart again.

She watches as discreetly as possible as Echo walks away, leaving Bellamy behind with a brooding demeanour. She takes this as her opportunity to walk up to him, mumbling to Madi to stay put.

“Echo’s defecting?” Clarke asks, pushing back the part of herself that doesn’t really care. Echo is important to Bellamy, though.

“Not exactly. I’ll explain in the bunker,” he says, nodding toward it. 

_Now or never_. “Bellamy,” she says in a tone that has his attention and worry all in one. “We’re leaving, too.” Bellamy shakes his head like he doesn’t understand why she’d want to go, so she explains it. “It’s not safe for us here.”

“No, Clarke, you don’t understand. Echo’s defecting so we can take down the Eye, and once it’s down—”

“No, _you_ don’t understand,” she cuts him off, always hating to be so firm with him, but Madi’s at risk. “Diyoza is the least of my concerns. You sister is dangerous and Madi’s…” she trails off, looking around her quickly. “She’s a nightblood,” she whispers.

Bellamy nods, “I know, you made her a synthetic nightblood like you—”

“No,” Clarke says quietly. “She’s a real nightblood. And I assume the last one; which makes her a threat to the throne in Octavia’s eyes.”

Bellamy backtracks, trying to find the right words to make her stay. He knows how stubborn she is, and how much she cares for Madi, so he doesn’t see anything he says making any difference.

“Let me help you,” he offers. “I can talk to Octavia, I can back you when you say she’s only synthetic, I’ll do anything—”

Clarke bites her lip, looking down for a second before she gets the courage to say in a tone that conveys there’s no room for argument, “I'm sorry.”

“Clarke, please,” he begs, that desperate look in his eye that always had her melting. The same look she'd been given six years ago before she left Arkadia for the unknown in the forest. 

He goes to reach for her hand before quickly deciding against it. He hates this now. They used to work so smoothly. Casual hand touches, always standing next to each other—as though they were magnets. They always used to _work_ together. The head and the heart. But it’s all different now. And Bellamy can’t help feeling that it’s all his fault.

“Just talk to me.”

“I did! Every day, Bellamy, for six years,” she snaps, unable to hold it back anymore. “You asked me before that sandstorm how I made it through alone—I wasn't alone. I had _you_.”

Tears pool in her eyes and she finds herself not even caring. All she can see is the Bellamy's furrowed eyebrows, an expression that shows he wants to say something but can't find the words.

“I _had_ you,” she clarifies quieter through a crack in her voice. She takes a breath and says, “But you never got the messages, and you moved on, and that's fine, Bellamy. Really, it is. But now I need to go because it's not safe for Madi here.”

“It's not safe for _you_ out _there_ ,” he finally says.

All Bellamy can think about is what could have been. If he'd heard her voice on the radio, he wouldn't have had to mourn her, he could have responded and spoken with her all those years rather than felt alone without his second half by his side. Sure, he'd moved on, but he can help thinking that it all wouldn't have happened if he just could have heard her.

He shakes his head softly, “Clarke, if I had known—”

“But you didn't,” she says, sniffling. 

She looks back at Madi, who's still standing there watching them. Clarke sighs, only imagining what could be going through her surrogate daughter's head right now. Clarke had told Madi so many wonderful stories about the man with the big heart who saved her life countless times. 

But she barely recognized the man standing in front of her. And that hurt because this isn't _her_ Bellamy, this is someone else's.

Bellamy clears his throat, suddenly incapable of looking Clarke in the eye. “I don't want to lose you again,” he admits. “I've barely gotten you back.”

Clarke squeezes her eyes shut. “I'm sorry,” she says again. “I have to do what's best for her.”

She looks back at Madi again, and panic flows through her veins when she sees Madi is not where she just was. Clarke runs to their tent, not seeing her.

“Madi?!” she calls loudly, hoping the child is still nearby. 

Bellamy’s at her side again and can see the fear in Clarke’s eyes.

“She’s gone. We have to find her,” she says quickly, hoping he picks up on her urgency. They can continue this talk later, and Bellamy sure as hell plans to. “ _Now_.”

**Author's Note:**

> thanks for reading, as always, hit that kudos bc i'm a slut for validation :)


End file.
